From World Pulse Magazine

by Mariane Pearl

"I see dialogue as an art, a performance art. I train for it. I strive to listen, I learn how to master self-control so my own anger and frustrations leave space for a common ground."

"It's very obvious to me that if we don't take matters into our own hands and do the opposite of what terrorists expect of us, we are not going to win this war against terrorism."

An accomplished French journalist, mother, practicing Buddhist, and author of A Mighty Heart: The Brave Life and Death of My Husband Danny Pearl, Mariane Pearl is the widow of Wall Street Journal correspondent Daniel Pearl, who was kidnapped and murdered by Islamic extremists in Pakistan four months after 9/11.

Since the tragedy, Mariane's voice has become an inspirational force for courage in the face of terror. "They did not take my spirit," Mariane said in a statement to the Wall Street Journal soon after her husband's death. "Revenge would be easy, but it is far more valuable, in my opinion, to address this problem of terrorism with enough honesty to question our own responsibility as nations and as individuals for the rise of terrorism.

"We need to overcome cultural and religious differences, motivating our governments to work hand in hand with each other, perhaps in an unprecedented way.

"I think we are now all aware that terror is not a problem facing one country alone, not Pakistan, not the United States. It is the world-wide responsibility of governments and of us, as journalists, professionals of all kinds, and human beingsâ€"mothers and fathers, daughters and sons. We are all going to need courage and commitment. Let us inspire each other to goodness."

Not so long ago, I was intimately confronted by terrorism. A number of people have been in similar situations and know, like I do, that we cannot afford to pretend anymore that it is not out there. My reaction is probably just more visible.

One cannot go through an experience like mine and sit down and do business as usual or go back to where they were before it happened. In a way, a situation like this brings you closer to reality, and it becomes your responsibility to share your experience with the people who don't necessarily understand or who are distanced from the situation. Sharing my experience has become my conscious duty.

It was always clear to me, even before Danny died, even before 9/11, that to terrorists, violence is just a tool. The people who die don't matter. It is the psychological effect of such violent death on the living that matters. This kind of action is very efficientâ€"it creates fear and hatred. It is a vicious way to separate people. It is very obvious to me that if we don't take matters into our own hands and do the opposite of what terrorists expect of us, we are not going to win this war against terrorism.

Bitterness is the first expected effect of terrorism. If we let bitterness take us over, we will lose our soul. Vicious emotions have the potential to paralyze us, and once that happens, we are lost. When I met President Bush, I tried to explain this to him. Because if we understand this dynamic, we become powerful and we know how to answer terrorismâ€"both politically and personally. If you answer with war or by trying to be more aggressive, you are never going to win, because you are not ready to die yourself. And second, you are doing exactly what terrorists want.

"I see dialogue as an art, a performance art. I train for it. I strive to listen, I learn how to master self-control so my own anger and frustrations leave space for a common ground."The opposite of what they want is dialogue.

Dialogue is the ultimate way to fight terrorism. It is the key to dynamic world peaceâ€"and one of the most difficult things to achieve. In promoting dialogue we need the same intensity and same determination in succeeding as others have to destroy it. If we are faced with people who are ready to die so they can kill others, even children, we need as much determination as they have.

We often see peace as a simple absence of war; instead, it is a result of courageous actions taken to initiate dialogue between societies. Peace is a process in constant evolution, the same way we as individuals always have to balance and adjust ourselves to feel peaceful and content.

I see dialogue as an art, a performance art. I train for it. I strive to listen, I learn how to master self-control so my own anger and frustrations leave space for a common ground.

Peace has to be constantly nurtured. Peace is creativity. The reason why peace is possible is because it adapts to the rhythm of life. It is constantly moving and constantly changeable. Dialogue is peace in itself.

For me, Buddhism is that strong solid earth on which I can walk, the light that guides my life. Buddhism is a very relevant philosophy because it always starts with self. You never go out and preach peace when you have turmoil in your own house.

It is the regular people, the civil society that can make a differenceâ€"especially if we have the privilege of living in a democracy. We cannot rely solely on the politicians. I was recently traveling in the Middle East and meeting the leaders there. We know that the Oslo Agreement didn't work out, so I wanted to know what remained 10 years after. I came away believing that the leaders themselves cannot achieve much. They are too caught up in a political situationâ€"they are powerful people but they cannot do what ordinary people can.

Empowering women is one of the primary keys to creating full dialogue. Women are the real hope. As the old cliché goes, women create life; therefore, we have this instinct to protect it. We have a different sensitivity and we are not as attracted to violence. And we have not yet achieved full equality anywhere. When women start to retain power, the world will start changing. We should make every effort possible, particularly in developing countries, to give responsibilities to women. This is absolutely essential. Women everywhere are so courageous. Support their education and they will come forward. Only then will the dialogue begin.

I see a lot of amazing things. I have experienced the power of human solidarity and friendship transcending all barriers. I constantly receive letters from ordinary people who want to believe. I love human beings. They are great and they have never ceased to be great because terrorists showed up. I know that there is an informal worldwide network of goodwill out there. It's one of the reasons I don't stop. Otherwise, what I do is very emotionally difficultâ€"confronting cynicism, critics, despair, and fear.

As a journalist, my job is to promote dialogue. I have spent the last year and a half talking to journalists about journalism and also with regular people about journalism. I think that a lot of journalists do their job without ideals or a sense of mission. That's a pity because this is a job with a responsibility.

What a journalist does has an impact on people's lives; it shapes people's thinking and it is completely hypocritical not to acknowledge this. When you cover Iraq, you are shaping the minds of the American people who are watching. Therefore, in this profession, the key is for journalists and the media to question themselves. If they don't refresh their sense of purpose and realize that they are doing a service that is not about them, but about the people they interview and the stories they convey, then journalism is going to lose its credibility.

The most important thing we can do is inspire new journalists. Young journalists often start this job with a sense of purpose. But the minute they become cynical, they are already dead. We need people who have a heart. Becoming a journalist does not mean you put up a glass window and see through it like a camera that reflects the world without feeling. I don't believe in that.

My aspirations for myself are related to what I can do for other people. Fame and wealth don't matter to me. I would like to do everything I can to help people understand that they need to connect with each other and that we have more in common than that which separates us.

I don't put labels on people. If I admire someone as a person, I connect with them. I am half-Cuban, half-Dutch and I have always lived like that, and honestly I think that the whole world should be like thatâ€"it is the 21st century! We must create empathy with people because they are people. I can talk tomorrow with a woman in Zimbabwe. Yes, our lifestyles are different, but we have a lot in common. If we can connect with people this way, we are already creating hope. When you make a friend from a country you don't like, then we already have much more hope.

If we teach courage and hope, we are going to have empowered children, and that is parenthood. The biggest triumph for Danny and me is that neither of us gave up our ideals when he died. Our son will inherit all of that from us.

I want each child to be able to sayâ€"my father and my mother got involved and did something so that we can live in a better world. They taught me how to embrace the world, they taught me empathy. Unless children see parents who are actively constructing dialogue, they will not embrace it.

This is a very dangerous time we live in. Real hope for humanity is not going to come from terrorists reforming. Real hope does not come in a new leader. Of course we need good leaders, but we cannot rely solely on them. The only real hope is in an individual's commitment to work for the peace and welfare of humankind. To me, hope is directly related to individual action. And then there's hope, infinite hope.

As told to Ramya Ramanathan, Global Editor, World Pulse.

Note:

DIALOGUE RESOURCES
International Listening Association www.listen.org
Dialogue to Action Initiative www.thataway.org
The Global Dialogue Institute www.globaldialogue.com
The Center for International Dialogue www.cfid.org
Public Conversations Project www.publicconversations.org
Intercultural Communication Institute www.intercultural.org