I join with John Klar in offering a welcome to you, Wease. Your post coincides with the discussion in my Prayer and Peacemaking group for the last two session. We have been led to make a distinction between "forgiveness" and "reconciliation", in the sense that the former requires no action on the part of the perpetrator, while the latter does.

An example from the Christian tradition would be the report of the words that Jesus uttered concerning the two thieves with whom he was crucified: "Forgive them for they know not what they do." As they hung on the crosses, one of the thieves admitted his guilt, and Jesus then promised the man that he would "be with me in paradise". So it is recorded in the Gospel of Luke, the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation.

I unite with John's points about forgiveness: that it is self-serving because it relieves us of the burden of anger, grief, and vindictiveness; and that it serves the world because it breaks the cycle of retribution and conflict. By allowing that forgiveness is possible without reconciliation, we are freed of the bondage of depending on the perpetrator to enable peacemaking.

As a peacemaker, I seek to forgive so that the cycle of recrimination is broken and the perpetrator may seek to reconcile freely, without coercion. I seek forgiveness for my own wrongs by admitting them, and reconciliation by asking my victim what must be done to set things right. These are ideal goals, and I recognize that while I may often fail to attain them, keeping focused on them makes them more possible.

Steve

=========

Our lives begin to end the moment that we become silent about things that matter. (Martin Luther King Jr.)

God bless you, and welcome to the site. I'm new too, but I'm enjoying the high level of intellectual rapport and civility that the members of this site employ. Voltaire put it best: "I disagree with what you say, but I defend to the death your right to say it." This was once the American tradition, though it is frayed as of late -- but not on this site, where passions do not overcome reason.

John Klar

Thanks Rainbow Brain for your reply. I am not sure if I can get my head round your quote. It feels quite profound. I will have a ponder.

Wease
x

Thanks so much for your reply John Klar. I am new to the site and enjoy reading your wise words. It is encouraging to read that others think the effort is worth it. It is also great to fellowship with those who praise the Lord and love their brothers and sisters.

I think I am going to enjoy being a user of this site.

I look forward to more interesting discussions on related topics.

Wease
x

Forgiving another is the act of forgiving one self, just as loving another is the act of loving one self, for there is nothing one can forgive or love, in which one has not been complicit in the responsibility of creation.

This is the Way of Truth

A true act of love is the single reality which requires no forgiveness and the only action which can create True*Peace.

Within the clarity of Forgiving*Love one is both the mirror and the reflection of Truth.

©Bruce Larson*Moore
The 13-Establishments of Truth

You are correct that we must come before God with our faults. Otherwise, we will never come before Him. You are also well-informed about God's grace, and that He will grant us forgiveness in same measure as we forgive others.
But your friends are also correct, because you cannot fully forgive someone who doesn't accept it, for their lack of recognition that they have done you harm makes them incapable of receiving your forgiveness. This is not to say that you should then allow bad feelings to fester, but it surely does make it harder for you to attain resolution. If we give it to God, He'll take care of it....
We must not condemn others for not forgiving those who wrong them or their loved ones, for we have no right to judge. However, we can judge for ourselves what path we wish to take when others wrong us, and feelings of revenge or anger can stew within us for decades, with absolutely no benefit. Medical science establishes more and more that stress is the chief cause of most illness, and we know that the primary cause of stress is conflict. In this sense, it is a bit self-serving to forgive, because we shed our own toxicity when we do.
But you hit the nail right on the head with your question about war, and this is the self-evident force of the teachings of Jesus Christ. For the miracle of Christ is not determined by whether he healed the sick or walked on water, of which many are skeptical because they must rely on the observations of others. The miracle of Christ is apparent in the here and now, in that He consistently and passionately taught us to break the vindictive cycle of retribution and conflict. He taught that we should return cruelty with kindness, wrongs with forgiveness, hate with love. That's His miracle and legacy to us, and it's easier said than done for us to follow. We will fail to live up to His standard, and then we will try again. This is the Christian way. Indeed, peace costs a lot of effort and heart-searching, but it's worth the price, and it's what we're here for....